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  • Writer's pictureThomas Lawrence Toscano


I have been lapse in my visits here, however, it's all for a good reason. After living in Bennington since 2014 Dec 18th, I left there officially on 2019 Sep 27th and now live on the Eastern side of the state. Not exactly up against the Connecticut river, in fact, within 30 steps of another, smaller river, a tributary of the Connecticut off of Vt Rt 103. I'll write about it soon. BTW, I took this picture astounded that the sun was giving me such a gift around noon of Sept 30th. A sign, no doubt. What a welcome.

My exit was sudden and logical. In spite of having promises from one who swore allegiance - swore support, "I'm with you in all things" or something like that, of course, a lovely saying and sentiment, however, is it not true that people pledge things, especially when tipsy, which never truly manifest. Promises made by others to spread the word and help, evaporated, possibilities were like the leaves which began to turn, dry up and fall off.

Many out there, would have been shall we say, quite concerned, I was not, I was seeking a dialogue with the universe, not insisting on a solution. I spent one night - almost not sleeping at all, imagining myself sleeping in the back of my jeep.

Within this process, at one point, I realized as I imagined it " wow - it's small in here"...I had been toying with this possibility, somewhere tucked away in the woods, or on some farm land ( also in the woods part ) on top of Mt. Anthony ( I have friends who own an old 100+ acre farm up there). And, after that answer it was clear to me that I didn't want that. So I continued to "stay out of the way", allowed the message and the gift to find me. A room in a house in a very quiet village along side a river, who's owner is an acupuncturist and for the first time has sought to rent a room. ( And finally, not on a major Vermont highway!)

Since April 15th, I moved to a cabin on a farm, then, to a room in a house built in 1807, then, back to the farm ( it was a big shock and was a clear decision of the universe - I had nothing to do with it :-)!, and now have moved out of the county all together.

Of course, there were those who made phone calls, who asked friends, to no avail, those who stopped here and there to send an email, make an inquiry. There were those with whom I spoke, 3 or 4 actually who could have allowed me to rent at the snap of a finger, one with much land, one with three dwellings, and one group with many contacts however, it was clearly not to be. In the end, I had two choices. Either live in a double wide trailer with a chihuahua which, poor thing never stopped writing, and with an very seriously infirmed member of the family with a life support motor that never stopped running, 4 feet from the door of the bedroom or another house on the other side of the state.

I had one official person hear of my move, my exit, and emotional beseeched me not to leave, and I found it ironic. Further, over that weekend, there were other signs, from an organization which I was involved with professionally. One to which I gave a great deal and in spite of that was never, ever, treated fairly, never mind professionally. Oh well. That won't happen again, :-)!

It all happened with lightning speed. For a few weeks I had been saying out loud, I want to live on the other side of the state. Even though a few professional realities opened up through two wonderful invitations for limited engagements, it was clear to me that I had given greatly to Bennington and it was time to leave. When the room became available at a "reasonable" price - compared to the ridiculous inflation that is housing in Vermont, especially in Bennington County, (well. all I really know is Bennington County) the decision was made one moment to the next.

Good by Bennington. I have learned my lesson - that particular Thomas is no more - I've been forged in the fire of ingratitude and indifference, from some of the louder voices amongst you, in spite of gargantuan efforts on my part. ON the other hand, I received many gifts from individuals, enormous generosity and am unconditionally proud of all that I accomplished. Even if, the landed Vermonters will lie as they seem to always do, about what the flat landers accomplish. My efforts will now be for others, and primarily, perhaps for the first time ever, for me as well.

Once it all manifested I walked around with that twilight zone type feeling for a bit - filled the car leaving the wonderful cabin in N. Shaftsbury, the great dog, Marshall, and spirited myself over the Green Mountains to Dream Barn Hollow along the banks of the Middle Branch Williams River, which sang me to sleep with a low drone gurgling accompaniment Friday and Saturday nights, Sunday night ( the 30th) I spent in my newly rented room on a happily very comfortable bed!

For that next "first" week on this side of Vermont, I helped a friend move out of his cabin, and also helped around the property at Dream Barn Hollow. Further, podcasts were produced for Alice's Space and I followed leisurely as life gave me more and more signs as I floated down the stream to the strains of Row, Row, Row your boat.

On Weds 10/2 I took this picture on a particularly cold day. Very surprised that a butterfly had been born and was enjoying my Boldo plant ( Brazilian bay leaf - not available in this country).

As I was taking pictures, I was hoping for a different view - and immediately the butterfly opened its wings for me as I stood there, fumbling with my old Samsung Note 3. And then kept doing it as if it understood how awkward I was. And, yet, what another welcome!

Basta. It's 12:50 am and I've written enough. It's time to sleep and I want to give myself the gift of finishing what I started.

Life is a miracle, magic is all around you - you can let go - you can enjoy yourself you can be happy and live will support you.

Thank you Alice for your support and wisdom. Thank you A and B for your love and constant efforts on my behalf and for your enormous cultural contributions. Thank you M and J for the gift of. your farm and your cabin during September. Thank you K for your patience and thank you Michael for your enormous heart and charitable community spirit! Thank you Suzanne for all that you do for so many, especially me. Thanks for those other few deeply true friends I have in Bennington County. To any that I've left out - I always give credit where credit is due. it's a point of honor. There are many wonderful people who give a great deal. Best of luck to the Putnam Project. To the rest of you - non ci vediamo piu.

Thank you all for being here. Thomas

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