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  • Thomas Lawrence Toscano

TRUST I


Pablo and Kio (Is this a wise move for a dog to make?)

Does this photo make you cringe? I understand, but, it is a fun representation of what at a first glance seems like a big mistake on Kio's part. However, that's not the case. Yes, there were times when Pablo would reach out and smack him in the face, but, then there were times like these where they were both quite content to exist in each other's space. Sharing their energies as they shared their lives on a daily basis. This was a rather common occurrence as well as what I called the 5pm daily circus, where Pablo would sit on the back of the couch and Kio would lift his head and Pablo would smack him and Kio would open his mouth as if to swallow Pablo's paw and this would go on, accelerating more and more until Pablo gave up and ran or I would declare an end to it as I sat and composed a few yards from them.


I love this picture and I love that I have these memories and of course, I cherish them. They were wonderful times and I was very fortunate to have these two great friends for as long as I did.


So, what's this all about. Well, clearly, Kio and Pablo knew everything there was to know about each other. Ever move, every whisker shudder, every look. Kio was a puppy when he arrived, Pablo was quite full grown, and the cat attacked Kio the first time he saw him. OF course, it was that kind of typical dominant dance, "I'm the boss and your not!". In the end, trust and respect won out and they lived very happily together. It was an interesting process to behold and yes, it took my non interference and my own trust to let them create their own world. Trust was essential. And, it's been increasingly essential the longer I live.


This past two week's I've been plagued by serious computer problems. If I had not solved one of the problems ( which it seems I have) I would not be writing this post. It took a great deal of trust for me to stay the path and keep things in a positive light. Sometimes actually stopping my phone searches, going out and having fun. Sometimes I spent time speaking to others, seeking someone who was an able bodied repair person who could advise me. And, I failed, yet in failing, I found my own way. I discovered what the true problem was, replaced what was required and the computer has been running now for quite some time. One computer back and another soon to be replaced by a 2012 model. Which means, not a great deal of money at all. And, isn't it an interesting reality, that the older computers, (not the knew ones) are rated the most reliable among the Mac users scene?

Since I am seeking these days to make part of my income from my working on computers, composing, podcasting and blogging, to lose both of my Macbook Pro laptops could make this venture quite impossible and cause me to seek funding for more equipment. Not something easily accomplished. In the past I would have had quite a challenging time of it. However, these days, I simply understood that it was just one more curious event which would eventually lead me to the solution. "Follow the breadcrumbs" my friend Alice says many times a day and she's spot on. We cause ourselves incredible stress projecting failure or possible failure into the future. Often times a "no!" answer can send us reeling, but, the fact of the matter is that such answers are quite valuable for they show you the path.


During the month of May, as I recovered from hip surgery, I was increasingly aware that I needed to find another place to live, another temporary abode. More and more I was questioned by friends who continued to share their "concern" with me. Each day I would get a call asking if I had found a place to live yet and each day I had to repeat the phrase "it will all work out". Which, of course, it did.


Just as the computer issue was resolved enough to write this post. And, further, soon I will replace my other computer for a very reasonable price. Moreover, another possible move will be in the offing sometime around the middle of October, and already a more permanent solution is beginning to make an appearance on my radar.


There are many reasons in today's world to mistrust, to not believe in one's self.


Those of you who consume commercials are daily bombarded by the dominant ingredient to American advertising, FEAR! Drug commercials, car commercials, cleaning supply commercials, insecticide commercials, etc. etc. all use fear to manipulate you into buying and using their product. Even the weather reports have become threatening, I call them, terrorist alert weather reports. I don't watch them either. I don't care. Too many people are convinced that they must follow what they are told. I'm lucky I was stubborn as a child, continue to be and it has enabled me to be an artist first. To blaze my own trail regardless of the opinions of the world or any other considerations. But I'll speak more about that in tomorrow's blog, Trust II. I consume no commercials, and when I do I have the misfortune of seeing one, I recognize those which are attempting to usurp my own good sense and scare me into action.


Fear - is it's own reality. One of our natural emotions which has it's use in the moment.


If a cougar starts chasing you - fear could save your life. If a river comes raging towards you, fear could enable you to move quick enough to save yourself. But fear as an arbiter of the future is ridiculous and extremely debilitating of who and what we are.


Do you remember the movie Dune? The scene where Paul Atreides puts his hand in the box while the Reverend Mother held the poisoned Gom Jabbar at his neck? While he feels the pain, which is very extreme and seriously misleading, he begins to repeat to himself - "I must not fear, fear is the mind killer..." and continues in this vein until he passes the test, the pain stops he removes his hand and the vision of great damage to his hand proves to be an illusion. Without going into deep spiritual explanations suffice it to say that any fear of the future is merely blocking your ability to find your way. To creatively find your solutions. To calmly through trust, love, play and joy experience your abilities to manifest what's required.


When I encountered this film, it was at a time that I was having great bouts with fear, including panic attacks. Luckily for me I cured myself. (It certainly took a while). I faced my fears and was fortunate enough to develop the ability to laugh at it as it appeared in my mind. What I am of course, speaking about are those fears which mostly have to do with the future, or the past. So, when people called and asked me - "did you find a place yet?" My answer was calm and peaceful, "no, but it will all work out". And so it did. Today's experience, with this computer was similarly settled(which was not foreseeable yesterday), and so will all the other opportunities for demonstrating trust in myself and my path. There is an increasing flow to my experience as I follow the breadcrumbs and journey through this life so filled with joy and magic.



Thanks Kio, thanks Pablo. Can't wait to see you both again!


Thank you all for joining me here. Thomas


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