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  • Writer's pictureThomas Lawrence Toscano


Updated: Jan 17, 2021

So, your surprised. I bet many of you are. Over the many months since I last wrote I was, perhaps, momentarily surprised and yet as soon as I got over the initial knee jerk reaction “…he did what?…” = “…they said what?…”, for the most part, nothing surprised me.

While many of you, no doubt, were glued to your devices, waiting for or discussing the latest tweet, article, news report - all spun to coincide with each side’s and platform’s agenda, I simply took it all in stride. Nothing phased me, with a few exceptions. Oregon; Portland, surprised me. The addition of those wonderful unmarked federal forces who went in to continue the echo of each THUG force ever to appear on this planet with gobs and gobs of arrogance, omnipotence and joy in hurting others, just because they can! Yeah - it shocked me even. First of all because I know Portland I have been there many times and happen to like it very much as a city and a place. Also because I just couldn’t believe how blatant it was, how authoritarian.

It’s always so interesting to see cowards, bullies operate. They are so transparent. They all have their cadence as they speak. Just go over the clips of any one of them. Mussolini, Hitler, Stalin whose acts and ethos are quite familiar to many. Yet there are others, more recent, there's our present specimen and then there is Brazil’s current nightmare, N.Korea’s and other wannabe’s demigods across the globe. All basically deeply distorted with their own crowds of sychophants, some of them OH SO HOLY (shall we bow, genuflect, kneel or lie prostate on the floor of the altar?). The wonderful and all knowing Evangelists, is one group that comes to mind. But I digress and I don’t want to fall into that trap.

So, when January 6th came along both sides were whipped up to a frenzy. One side screaming for a new civil war (Oh boy, we get to bust heads, except now it will be everywhere!!!). From the other side especially the middle aged and the elderly out of their minds with fear and frankly fatigue from all the drama of 2020 (I can’t take it - what will happen? Marshall Law? Troops in the streets, a nuclear event - are only some of the scenarios I heard about. Anyway, that afternoon, I was carrying, cutting and splitting firewood with the radio set to NPR as I listened to the coverage, when around 2pm it all began to play out. What struck me immediately was the great and profound fear in the women who were broadcasting. It was palpable, you could cut the atmosphere of their very troubling reactions. The insecurity in their voices and questions was very apparent to me. I felt sorry fo them for too many reasons to mention all of them here. But, that fear, just wasn’t required. No criticism, just fact.

First, full disclosure: I as well as you, know other members of that particularly righteous crowd intimately. Both, from the ranks of my own family members and more recently through a troika of them I had many experiences with while in Bennington. It’s their characteristics I’d like to describe. They were so good at all of the pre-requisite abilities such as; reinventing their own version of reality, lying at the drop of the hat , always ready to take advantage of others, looking for trouble as a precursor to manipulating situations. Ironically, they were and I’m sure continue to be, those who take advantage of the State never missing any of it’s social services. All the while boasting a great hate for the government while buying up guns like my mother used to collect Lladros. Moreover they demonstrated an amazing capacity for suspicion and mistrust. And, they demonstrated more than once that they are greatly schooled in the game of “I said it first”.

Example: “You burned down the house”, says the arsonist who bursts through the bushes as the authorities arrive and accuses YOU of what he or she just perpetrated. We hear it all the time. All of this should be quite common to you now, as you’ve heard so many politicians spread lies about corrupt voting practices, the stolen election, and take a stunningly cowardly stance while they facilitate their constituents careen into the oblivion of their fantasies. Yep, that’s the world we live in.

Isn’t it?

There are so many things to speak of - yes I’ve been silent for a long time. My purpose here is not to relive or even try to account for all that has happened. I would just like to remind you of a few things.

1. Last year at this time - Corona was becoming a reality. The I.I.C. (Idiot in Chief), improvises, as all bullshitters do, and begins to downplay everything. What was it that he said - there will only be a few deaths. The flu kills more people each year, etc. etc. By the time we get to January 20th, over 400,000 people will be dead. THAT IS HANDLING THE SITUATION AS BEST AS ANYONE COULD HAVE?

2. 4267 people died on January 6th from COVID breaking the previous record for the one day death toll. That’s more people than have died in Japan and South Korea combined!

3. Then of course, there is Black Lives Matter - as once again, the stunning imbedded racism that so many people ignore, placate, make excuses for, lie about, etc. etc boiled over into civil unrest. Trust me my friends, especially those of you who have never lived over seas, (not as a tourist but as a resident ) - if we were a different country there would be much more blood in the streets.

4. Federal troops, invading “democratic cities”. WHAT? Just one more cowardly gesture of a wannabe dictator, whose incompetence saved us from real problems.

5. Insurrection/Sedition. January 6th. And, then, as if the day wasn’t bizarre enough the cowards, liars, corrupt representatives in the House continued to play bullshit games, going against the theme of NO PROOF, not offered by one or two court case or inquiry, but from ALL of them.

Why have I brought you this list?

Because this is not over yet. There’s more and more and more to come.

This my friends, is our world changing. Our country of course, is at the center of the change but, this is planetary, global, it’s about all of us, every creature on the planet.

At this point many of you might be exhausted just reading this - for - is there a solution?

Well, yes there are many. But, it’s important for each person to begin at the appropriate first step.

Begin with you.

You all know the saying “ If you want to change the world start with your own backyard”.

What are you feeling? Afraid? Anxious? Angry? Overwhelmed? Lost? The listing could go on for quite sometime.

What ever you’re feeling, that’s where you begin.

You have to initiate self examination.

You need to grow, YOU need to change.

But there’s already so much change going on? Must I change, I hate change. It scares me.

Yep, that’s pretty common, too many abhor it. In order to be part of the solution and not part of the problem or said in a different way, cause yourself great distress, you too must change.

Listen, if you begin to consciously change. Then, as changes in our world occur, they will be, in fact, an extension of your own change.

Why? Simple. As you change, you will see that change is quite healthy, uplifting, self affirming, empowering. And, if you go all in you will earn something that So many of the leaders who fail us, publicly each and every day, don’t have. SELF TRUST. As you begin to trust yourself you will understand that you are not a victim. You can encounter great changes, great scary events and not succumb to the fear. And, as they settle out, even then next moment, hour, or day, you can see and understand a bit why the change was actually supporting you NOT hurting you.

Each and every event that I have noted here, did absolutely nothing to me. It caused me very little discomfort, in fact, each time something happened, I celebrated the blessings that are my life. Of course, I had much sadness for all the violence, the constant deaths and the suffering of all those families and friends. Not to mention the friends of mine who have passed, for one reason or another. Yet again, each day I had to take stock of my blessings starting with my cozy one room rustic cabin.

How is it that I was already set up, off grid, (there was a power outage today in town, all around me in fact, not for me), already isolated with thousands of forested acres to freely roam. I had the blessing also of volunteering in the community, helping with food distribution at our local community center with the Grafton Community Church. I also help a few older individuals and anyone else who needs me. Always, observing proper masking and distancing of course.

Once again, it’s a very clear and elementary matter. I’ve been observing my life, actions, behavior, in other words, becoming more and more self aware since 1987. Someone recently made a comment to me about me being spiritual or spiritually in touch. I had no response, simply smiled. Truth is, I’ve worked at it.

Does it take 34 years to accomplish? Not at all. It could happen over night - IT COULD! I’m not saying it will, it’s simply a statement of fact based on specific examples, Echkart Tolle is one, of those who, after years of struggling, had a transformative moment overnight.

In other words, enter into this freely, without limiting beliefs and start to examine yourself. Your FEELINGS are your guide.

Do I have to do this? NO. Not at all. If you feel fine, close your browser or email and do something else. However, if you can see that your feelings or perhaps confusion is telling you that something has to change, then trust me, this works. There are many ways to begin. Most powerful - begin to write down your feelings, questions, observations, etc. etc. And then, keep going. Consistency is quite helpful.

Oh, and one more thing is required. HONESTY! Your own honesty with yourself.

Now, here is a question that can be put to any situation or pattern.

“Who would I be if I wasn’t afraid?”, “Who would I be if I wasn’t so sick”, Who would I be if I had a job I loved”, “Who would I be if I trusted myself”, “Who would I be if I could love freely and fully”. I’m sure you have your own very appropriate questions beyond these. And, yes, this is the place to start.

Any one of these questions, can begin the process, and if you persevere, keep searching, keep acting, keep writing, it will transform your life. And, what might happen? Well, read what I just wrote - events such as what we’ve experienced for the last 365 days could happen and who would experience them through the richness and magic of life.

Am I perfect? Am I always happy? NO. But, then, I don’t believe in perfection - even though I’ve often been accused of being a perfectionist. Which brings me to another statement I’d like to share with you. Have you noticed how standards have fallen and fallen and fallen? How people will settle for such mediocrity in too many areas. Since, I’m not one of them, I then get accused of being a perfectionist - oh well. As far as happiness, I care little for that. What I do care for is peace. I want peace. I hold peace at the apex of life’s experience.

Again, Tolle: Are you an enemy of the moment, or a friend of the moment? When I lose it - I’m the enemy of what I’ve just experienced. When I calmly breath, perhaps smile a little, I’m a friend. And? LIFE WORKS.

Examine what I’ve written in other blogs. I was doing pretty well at cataloguing all the wonderful miracles that I have been gifted.

As far as how long? Others wiser than me, would say - “we each have our own time - divine and perfect timing”. Which means it will happen when it happens. And currently, I’m aware that I’m choosing for it not to be. HOW DO I KNOW THAT I’M CHOOSING THIS? Because it’s what I experience. And, if I experience something I’m empowered by the reality that I create it. Which means, I can change what I experience if I’m willing to trust my self, my path, commit to honesty and do the work.

I don’t have to do any of this. Yet, I can choose change, embrace it and welcome it.

So, I come to the end of this blog post. Four - Cuatro. I will countdown Three, Two, One as we approach Wednesday.

Please know, that no matter what you are most truly beloved. Life in all it’s manifestations does seek to support you. It’s up to you to allow.

(How am I allowed to wake up to such majestic magic? My god! )

In the meantime, as always, thank you all for being here. See you tomorrow.

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